PREGAME - 12.21.2009 - New Jersey Devils

In order to write this pregame post I forced myself to drink 3 cups of espresso, eat a dozen of butterscotch oatmeal cookies and freebase 40 grams of crack.

Why?

The New Jersey Devils are in town.

The New Jersey devils play a brand of hockey that is about exciting as watching Jabba the Hut masturbate, but as much as we want to poke fun of Jabba he has that Rancor Beast there to back him him up. That Rancor Beast has a name and it's Marty Brodeur. This season, Uncle Daddy has been solid in net. Every other night there is some news report that he's broken yet another goaltending record.

Stellar.

THINGS YOU WANTED TO KNOW BUT WERE TOO LAZY TO LOOK UP:

Pens in their last ten are 8-1-1 with a 5 game winning streak.
New Jersey in their last ten are 8-2-0 with a 4 game winning streak.
New Jersey has the best road record in the NHL with a 12-2-1 record.
The Pens have a home record of 12-5-1.
The Pens have the 2nd highest goals scored in the league
New Jersey has the 3rd fewest goals allowed in the league.

Pot calling kettle black.

WHAT WHISTLER THINKS IS IMPORTANT TO THIS GAME:

Channel the spirit of Admiral Ackbar and realize early and often that the Devils will apply the Trap.

Never Underestimate the power of the Schwartz (oops, wrong movie) If the Pens are holding onto a lead DO NOT let up. Prepare for Ludicrous Speed and head on into plaid. If you give the Devils a chance to get back into the game, they WILL INDEED DO SO.

Stripping for Goals. If the Pens are tied or trailing, DO NOT be afraid to start peeling off layers of clothing. This has brought about victories in the past and will continue to do so all season long. If you happen to be at Mellon for the game it is still okay to strip. Chances are you will make it on the jumbotron and sadly escorted out of the building, but hey. It'll be fun while it lasts.